i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
