Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
