Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
