We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize