woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
