listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize