U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
