Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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