So drunk its hurt
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
