Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
