My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
