Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there

(217): View more from Illinois

Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is

Fav 2 1514 703
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(320): View more from Minnesota

On imdb the canadians say It's amazing

Fav 5 1279 892
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.

Fav 24 3100 920
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(504): View more from Louisiana

dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?

Fav 42 1478 2801
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(661): View more from California

My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss

Fav 41 7052 1190
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(360): View more from Washington

I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.

Fav 17 5116 1391
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.

Fav 14 1477 4233
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(425): View more from Washington

There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future

Fav 4 81 32
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(201): View more from New Jersey

thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon

Fav 0 172 12
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