i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
