Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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