So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish you could order shots online.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
