I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
