he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
pray to the hookup gods
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
