A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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