have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
