i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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