i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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