If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
