My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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