I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
