well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
