You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
