oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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