I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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