Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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