Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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