Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
