Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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