There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
