She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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