He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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