You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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