I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
