whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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