Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
