You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
