Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"it" just moved
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
