Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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