The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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