you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When are your genitals available?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
