All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
