The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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