I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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