I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
