Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
