69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will pee on everything he values.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
