We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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