my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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