How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
