I showed him my bush... on skype.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
