I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
