i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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