Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
