that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
