i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
