Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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