That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
